Monday, 14 October 2013

The working mummy's woes

For a long time I always put my career first in life, jumping on training courses, completing more qualifications & clawing my way up the career ladder. Being higher on the ladder wasn't as much fun as I'd hoped, more stress, longer hours, & being the bad guy making tough decisions which others didn't like. When I got made redundant in 2010 it hit me hard, I had ploughed so much into my career, given everything to the company I cared for only to be handed my P45. It made me reevaluate things, what were my priorities? What mattered? Like a Phoenix from the flames I rose again, I was a changed person my family life came first. Having recently got married at the time we tried for a baby & was blessed, our lovely son Baby J joined us in March 2012. 

Before he arrived I didn't realise what an impact one little person could have, Baby J became and still is the centre of my world , I love being a mummy, yes it's tough, but it's all the sleepless nights, constant running around is worth it to see Baby J develop & grow. My plan had always been to return to work, financially that was the only option; but after spending 6 wonderful months with Baby J on my maternity leave I found it so very hard leaving him, & now a year on of him going to nursery it's still very hard. I know he's well cared for at nursery & is in a stimulating environment where is learning every day, I'm lucky that he has been allocated amazing key workers, who keep me updated on his progress, the manager of the nursery is uber professional with a big soft caring side, but given all of that each day as I walk him out to the car I feel sad, I want to be going with him on his learning adventures, I want to be watching him enjoying glop play, & discovering new things. Instead the internal timer starts & I count down to home time. My current job isn't as high on the career ladder, I'm kept busy with a never ending list of things to do, & on the whole I enjoy it.

 It's a tough call when Baby J has a snuffle or a cough, he's not yet able to tell me how he feels, & guilt sets in when we send him off to nursery, should we of kept him at home? Will he be ok? & he has been, but as a mummy you want to protect you child & keep them safe & look after them. At work on a daily basis I find myself taking a mini break & scrolling through my phone looking at the latest video taking of Baby J, my desk is surrounded by photos of him, & one look at his cute face & any stress eases away. I also check the clock, only a few hours to go...

I cringe when I read articles criticising women for going back to work, for some of us there isn't an option & I would given the chance I'd give it all up to be a stay at home mummy. Who wouldn't? Being a mummy is the best job in the world! 

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